"Two men can meet quicker than two
mountains ever."
____ Welsh proverb (trans CM)
When we have fallen out with friends or colleagues, the way back to reconciliation can seem worlds away. Pride and hurt can cause us to decide that the first approach will never come from our side, but the same sentiments are often experienced by the other party.
To arrive at reconciliation, we may have to explore the avenues of negotiation and compromise.
If we can find a sensible and eloquent go-between who can be trusted not to fan the flames of dispute, then the first approaches can be taken by this means. If we have no such go-between then we have to open negotiations on your behalf. With tact and sensitivity, we can invite the other party to meet with us on neutral ground, to discuss the causes of dispute and each other's views - an invitation to come down from the lofty heights of separation and agree on a truce.
The aim is not to shame or coerce the other into capitulation, but to allow both parties to bring their differences to the light of day so that they may be seen as they really are, rather than as they are emotionally experienced. This perspective may be difficult to maintain, especially if anger or grief is involved. It may be that the discussion must be carried on through letters, if emotions are too raw.
While both parties are in the healing stage, it is often beneficial to perform some common act together - something that benefits neither party directly but is undertaken for the common benefit of others, such as a clearing a stream of rubbish or giving a few hours to a community project. Such acts provide a mutual focus that helps to heal division.
"With whom do you wish to be reconciled? If your disagreement is of long standing, write a letter offering to close the gap."
[From: "The Celtic Spirit" by Caitlin Matthews]
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