"They'll turn me in arms, lady
Into a deer so wild;
But hold me fast, let me not go,
The father o' your child."
___ "The Ballad of Tam Lin,"
anon. Scots ballad
The Scottish ballad of Tam Lin describes how a young heroine, Janet, becomes pregnant by a man whom she meets in the woods. But Tam Lin is a mortal who has become stuck in the realms of faery, in bondage to the faery queen. The only way for Janet to win her lover home is for her to come to the crossroads at Hallowe'en, when the faeries ride by, and pull him down from his horse. Then she must hold him fast while he changes into a variety of shapes. No matter what monstrous shape he assumes under the enchantment of the jealous faery queen, she must hold on tight, remembering that he is the father of her child. Janet does so, and Tam Lin is restored to her again.
No relationship is proof against change, whether it be through illness, unhappiness, new ambitions, discontent, or overfamiliarity. In such circumstances, consistency and patience are required, as well as support.
But when we experience a time of neglect or a failure to communicate, changing needs, rather more than constancy is required. A clear challenge to re-engage in the mutual contract of relationship needs to be issued, giving a strong signal that neglectful behavior will not be tolerated.
Sometimes we just need the patience to endure a period in which our partner is undergoing changes in her physical, emotional, or spiritual life. Such changes cannot be rushed: they can only be accompanied with sensitivity. When we ourselves undergo such changes, we need to ask for a period of patience, to express our need for support so that, like Tam Lin, we can eventually re-emerge into our daily lives.
"What changes are you and your partner undergoing now?"
[From: "The Celtic Spirit" by Caitlin Matthews]
Here are links to several sites that are about the Ballad of Tam Lin
http://poetry.about.com/library/weekly/bltamlinhalloween.htm
http://www.tam-lin.org/front.html
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