"The first year's a year of kisses,
The second year's a year of fists."
Scots Gaelic proverb
The settling-down year of marriage needs to be handled with an understanding patience. And we may need to summon that same high level of patience again in another ten years, when long-term relationships often go into a place of stasis and stagnation. The chief method for surviving as a couple is to realize that two individuals brought into partnership have to find the point of balance and reciprocation. No longer separate, they keep developing as individuals even as the relationship itself is growing.
Behaviors, comments, and feelings that initially seem to be warning signs of fallout often are nothing more (and nothing less) than signs of growth. These little buds and shoots need space to spread, and a reciprocal understanding of personal needs. Such matters cannot be intuited by our partner, however; they have to be communicated. Petty domestic resentments and larger-scale problems can incubate at an alarming rate beneath the surface of married life, sometimes because both partners have grown together sufficiently to feel that they have one consciousness and that their wants and needs should be obvious to the other. They are not.
The second year of marriage does not have to be one of fists if we keep attuned to our own and our partner's needs, holding the communication channels open.
"Take time to speak of your needs and concerns to your significant other, and to inquire what his or her needs and concerns may be. If you are not in a relationship at present, consider a past relationship, ask yourself where and why the partnership worked."[From: "The Celtic Spirit" by Caitlin Matthews]
No comments:
Post a Comment