"Too late I understood
That love is not in the blood,
But in every simple kindness I denied
To those to whom I owed humanity,
Just because they were day by day beside me."
____Kathleen Raine, "The Oracle in the Heart"
We have no word except kindness for the love that we use every day. Kindness is a courtesy that we ow to all, an act of inclusion that notices the human condition and its needs, however rushed we mat be. The kindness is not a custom that comes naturally. Concern, politeness, attention - all these have to be noticed and learned as we grow up.
Those who are most often with us can become so much a part of the furniture, so much an extension of our life and household, that we often forget the basic courtesies of kindness, treating them with the same kind of forgetfulness that we may have for ourselves. This may trigger the revelation that we have little self-respect, only a cold contempt that arises from a deep personal unworthiness. If we feel that we stand beyond the inclusive circle of regard, we will not be capable of generating much kindness toward others.
Loving-kindness is not innate. It has to be practiced with everyone we meet, friend or stranger. The obligation of humanity is to give respect to those to whom it is due; each of us, though, has someone who stands outside that circle, someone whom we exclude as unworthy, some group or association that we feel does not mean out kindness or our attention, never mind our love.
"When do include within your circle of kindness? Whom do you exclude? Where is respect due to yourself; where do you stand in the circle?"
[From: "The Celtic Spirit" by Caitlin Matthews]
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