Death of a Loved One

Death of a Loved One

"Though I live, yet am I not,
since my sweet hazel-nut has fallen;
since my dear loved departed,
bare and empty is the dark world."
    ___ Muireadhach Albanach, in Osborn Bergin,
             Irish Bardic Poetry (trans. CM)

   Directly after the death of a loved one, we no longer walk the same earth as everyone else. Part of us lingers at the frontier of death's domain, looking into its unknown distance for signs that the soul is safely over, or for comforting messages that will assure us that we are not really, finally alone.

   The sudden loss of someone vital to our life's story means that our own story may be whirled out of context into total disorientation or petrified into a stasis wherein time no longer runs at the same speed as it does for others. Since every daily action, every piece of of forward planning, necessitates the painful realization of how different life will be from now on, how lonely, how impossible, time and our progress through it alter our perceptions completely.

   A loss must be fully recognized. The old custom of the wake - which kept vigil about the bed, included the body of the deceased in a communal celebration and farewell, and encourage tears and laughter to freely mingle - was healthier than the relegation of the corpse to a mortuary or the chill obsequies of a 'professional' funeral.

   Our support of the bereaved is best shown in our willingness to talk about the deceased in a warm and natural way when appropriate, by acknowledging and sharing loss rather than hurrying to cover over the aching gap, and by understanding that our compassion must extend beyond a few month's passage of time.

"Make your own blessing for all people facing bereavement."
[From: "The Celtic Spirit" by Caitlin Matthews]