Constancy

Constancy

"They'll turn me in arms, lady,
INto a deer so wild;
But hold me fast, let me go not,
The father o' your child."
   __ 'The Ballad of Tam Lin' - anon Scots ballad

  The Scottish ballad of Tam Lin describes how a young heroine, Janet, becomes pregnant by a man whom she meets in te woods. But Tam Lin is a mortal who has become stuck in the realm of faery, in bondage to the faery queen. The only way for Janet to win her lover home is for her to come to the crossroads at Hallowe'en, when the faeries ride by, and pull him from his horse. Then she must hold him fast while he changes into a variety of shap0es. No matter what monstrous shape he assumes under the enchantment of the jealous faery queen, she must hold on tight, remembering that he is the father of her child. Janet does so, and Tam Lin is restored to her again.

  No relationship is proof against change, whether it be through illness, unhappiness, new ambitions, discontent, or overfamiliarity. In such circumstances, constancy and patience are required as well as support.

  But when we experience a time of neglect or a failure to communicate changing needs, rather more than constancy is required. A clear challenge is re-engage in the mutual contract of relationship needs to be issued, giving a strong signal that neglectful behavior will not be tolerated.

  Sometimes we just need the patience to endure a period in which our partner is undergoing change, we need to ask for a period of patience, to express our need for support so that, like Tam Lin, we can eventually re-emerge into our daily lives.

"What  changes are you and your partner undergoing now?"
[From: "The Celtic Spirit" by Caitlin Matthews]