Parenting

Parenting

"Children begin by loving their parents;
after a time they judge them;
rarely, if ever, do they forgive them."
    ____ Oscar Wilde, "A Woman of No Importance"


   The things that we hold against our parents seem to remain larger than life in our imaginative memory for the duration of our adult years. It is a fact that makes parenting especially poignant and exasperating, since our own childhood experience potently informs us how our own children are likely to judge us in later years.

   The twentieth century has gone through several models of acceptable parenting, from highly disciplined and formal models (in which children were expected to behave well or receive strict punishment) to the more liberal models (in which parents and children each have contracts for allowance and self-discipline). Since these extremes each have their faults, most parents today aim somewhere in the middle in an attempt to provide a moderate and tolerably workable system.

   We seek the love of our children, but we should not expect their gratitude - at least not until they are grown up.  Parenthood is a responsibility, not an obligation. We will make mistakes - sometimes the very mistakes our parents made with us - but we remain parents out of love.

"How do you judge your parents? What still rankles with you about your upbringing? If you have children, what is their judgment of you? Where do you need to exercise sensitivity with them?"
[From: "The Celtic Spirit" by Caitlin Matthews]