And when the circling year comes round,
And Christmas snows have wrapt the ground....
Take the cup, and drink the wine,
"Drinc heil" - as I to thee and thine.
__ John Sobieski Stuart, "With An Antique Crystal Cup and Ring"
When death or accident befalls us at times of holiday, it is very difficult to re-engage with the general celebration. Some people choose to go away at this season rather than to relive difficult memories that accompany this time. Even the angle of the light or the weather, the carols and songs, the smell of rich foods can enhance the memory of loss. It seems altogether easier to go away somewhere without memories than force a cheerful countenance or dampen the celebrations of others.
This process of anniversarial grieving is not widely understood; family and friends may attempt to draw the bereaved out of her grieving solitude into the heart of jollification, baffled and perhaps angry at the lack of response to their generosity. Grief and loss are not proceses that can be hurried, however, the grieving one cannot 'pull herself together' or to order.
A bridge of hope and connection can be erected on the anniversary by a simple ritual known as the chalice of remembrance. A liquid-filled glass that all present can drink from is set in front of a photograph or emblem that represents the dead person. Then all present speak simply and directly to the dead person, drinking to him. The remaining liquid is left overnight with a candle burning and then poured out upon the earth the next morning. In this way, the anniversary is marked, the mourning shared, and the circle of love reunited.
"Meditate upon other ritual acts that might be used to help mark grief and loss in ways that bring integration to the bereaved."
[From: "The Celtic Spirit" by Caitlin Matthews]
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